sam

2011-02-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

1 hour l 60 minutes l 3600 seconds

what can you do in one hour:

- have a phone conversation with someone (which consists of activities for the day, what you ate, and maybe can squeeze in how many cups of water you drank)

- take a train to douby ghaut, count the number of ah tiongs on the train with you, and then ride back

- make a lemon butter cake (which will leave jiggly stuff with you for the next 10 years or so)

- watch an episode of korean drama

- play wii fit

- emo (well, can definitely do this for a much longer time)

well technically, within an hour, so many things can change (although not apparent in my case above), i mean someone could die, a life could be born, you get a job, you lose a job... I think its important to be conscious about what you do with every second as you live and what are the things that matter and what are the things that are important. Like for instance, playing computer games as compared to spending some quality time with your family.. well you get my point.

Well i've spent the past hour blogging, so waste of time, or good keepsake?

2011-01-26T00:55:00.001+08:00

I miss you more than _____.

2011-01-12T00:51:00.001+08:00

never.

2011-01-09T15:11:00.002+08:00

i ♥ Taiwan!

awesome trip with tubbie!

for 11 days i thought might be too long but i think i could stay there for another 11.

Throughout the 11 days we were 6 days in Taipei, 2 days in Hualien, 2 days in Kaoshueng, 1 day in Taichung (环岛 as people call it)

My dad's long-time friend brought us around taipei for the 6 days, which included him driving us around, visiting touristy places and paying for our meals. SUPER hospitable. just that you know how old people can be sometimes, naggy and all (he made me run back to and fro to the car 3 times to remind me to call him blah blah). But def super grateful to him for doing so many things for us.

We had our most memorable/traumatic/frightening yet heartwarming experience in Hualien. Long story cut short, we decided to ride our motorized bicycles (above photo) all the way to taroko gorge which is about 25km away, half knowing that we prob would not have made it. In the end, we had to constantly stop at people's houses/shops to charge jem's bicycle (not sure whats wrong with his lack of affinity with bikes-refer to old posts) and we were met with the hospitality of the townsfolk of Hualien. where they invited us for drinks and to watch tv with them, even volunteering to drive us there and wait for us. The worst part was when we were stuck at a police station charging our bikes in the middle of the night and when we set off back, jem's battery died on the highway with no one to help. Furthermore with a dying handphone battery, we managed to contact our mingsu owner who arranged for a pickup to pick us and our bikes up. Really thank God cause we realised we prob would have never made it back to hualien city had we continued on.

(adventure much?)

Kaoshuing, wasn't that interesting, but it definitely showed again what reckless and thrill seeking people we are. We rented a 50cc scooter and travelled to an island. In the end we decided to take a underground tunnel back to the village instead of the ferry. lo and behold, when we reached the main island (this is after our traumatic underground tunnel experience) we ended up in an area totally unfamiliar and looked liked Tuas, an industrial area with lots of huge lorries. Imagine an ant in a colony of elephants, thats what we felt. PLUS jem had to balance both our weights cause i was pillion riding, and you should know, that is QUITE alot of weight to balance, esp with alot of jiggling action going on) BUT as we always say, theres always a solution, and with the help of petrol pumping friends, we managed to find our way back to where we came from (which was a super long distance away).

(thrill seekers much?)

Taichung was the most relaxed and not so much adrenaline-pumping +heart stopping action. super nice nightmarket at our hotel doorstep, Ruifeng night market (the best in taichung) with lots of food and shopping. loved the place.

well, def the best holiday thus far that will be deeply etched in my memory:)

thank God, thank tubbie, and all the helpful and friendly taiwanese along the way!

*again, again, again!!*

2010-12-20T00:18:00.002+08:00

lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones..

To think that lighsticks could force us to be creative!

btw, for more photos please check out facebook. (lazy to upload here)

Despite the mozzies, wet grass and jumping/drawing, it was rather eggciting! Cause you never knew how the shot would turn out till you were finished.

2010-12-12T01:28:00.002+08:00

treasuring the weekends!

Everything comes with a price.

Cause i need to earn money for Taiwan, i've been working as a PA for my friend who is an insurance agent! working everyday means more money but less time to have fun and do silly stuff. so thank goodness for the short yet well treasured weekends!

Pardon the random faces, but that was J and I cam whoring while waiting in the queue at Nando's! our virgin experience there and gotta say quite pleased with the food, though my companion was quite quiet during dinner because of the spicy chicken (he walked out with what looked like lip-glossed-lips as well)

in 2 more weeks we'll be off to Taiwan to put on more weight!

eggciting! i promise to lose weight after i come back!

REALLY LAHHHH!

p.s. we caught rapunzel!

♥ pascal the chameleon! (and the movie!)

2010-12-01T22:37:00.003+08:00

Epic Food-Trail of the year!

Tubbie and I had great plans! Lets have a food trail! cycle and find food!

(we should have known it was set for disaster, like HELLO, exercise?)

so we decided to set 4 rules (2 rules each)

1) We have to cycle for one hour before a 15 min break

2) We can only buy food we have never eaten before

3) We can only spend 2 dollars per serving

4) Food to start with letters in our names

-I HATE MURPHY-

Obviously not gonna work out as planned!

from east coast we cycled to our first stop: Old Airport Road Food Centre.

and TADAH! jem's.bike.died. (to the point of no return)

how to ride..

~~1) We had to cycle for one hour before a 15 min break~~

mind you, we had to WALK. i repeat WALK+ PUSH BIKE all the way back to east coast.

"the horror, the horror" -heart of darkness (gotta put some of my A level lit to some use right!)

so yes, of course after our lunch which we obviously spent 10 dollars altogether..

~~3) We can only spend 2 dollars per serving~~

we ate/drank

S- sugarcane! (yeah! S for sam)

C- chicken chop! (Yeah! C for cookie monster)

P- pork porridge! (Yeah! P for Policeman)

C- currypuff! (Yeah! C for Cousin of Cookie monster)

C- Chengteng! (erm! C for Chocolate monster?)

H- hokkien mee (hmm.. H for Haizzz)

~~4) Food to start with letters in our names~~

and of course, we have eaten everything before. we're tubbies, so of course..

~~2) We can only buy food we have never eaten before~~

WELL... of course, amidst everything we had fun+chatting+random games+ ALOT of walking. after walking back to eat coast, we ended up walking all the way down past Bedok Jetty and then walked back to the park connector and walked out to fort road to go to bedok corner, and then walked again to take a bus to simei. Did i mention we are both sunburnt. seriously 烧猪s!

p.s. If you're wondering why its supposed to be a food trail but there are no pictures of any food. We're tubbies! who has the time to take out a camera and snap photos when we're busy eating? haha!

2010-11-26T01:44:00.002+08:00

FINALLY some pictures!

us being retarded as we always do.

we walked to expo from Simei MRT!

after our really hearty KFC pepper chicken meal!

(we were headed for Sitex!) yes, we both still have one more paper next week! but as my previous posts, we're kinda taking it easy :D

should bring my camera around more often!

2010-11-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

one down, one more to go!

this has been tubbie and my distraction during this exam season! ♥

its's really quite a nice show! love the characters :)

마녀유희! 조니 ♥ (하지만 타피 씨는 한번 사랑해요!)

Had a good time with tub's today. Despite it being the exam season, its the first time where we're both not that stressed over grades and even have the time to relax and spend fun time together such as chasing each other down the AS3 hall in the middle of the night and then late dinner at casuarina over some time to catch up and talk! well, last sem for me, so i guess i should just cherish all these moments! still abit uncertain and fearful of the future, but just gotta trust that God has a plan!

2010-11-15T00:36:00.002+08:00

Exams are round the corner.

I'm so sad that Korean (lak1201) is over.

I have had the most fruitful and enriching module in my 3 and a half years in NUS and I am so thankful that we J managed to appeal so that we could take it this sem.

I believe that learning, is all about acquiring knowledge that can be useful as well as doing something that you enjoy. So often as students, we always choose to take modules by considering how easy it is, if it fits into our timetables and if our friends are taking them (even i am guilty as well) but sometimes, spending a little more time and effort, regardless of grades, can make this learning journey ever more fulfilling.

It is true that this is merely a basic course, but as i enquired from my korean teacher (선생님) on my last class, she says if i go out to NUS extension to continue, i'll be at level 4. well, it only highlights how intensive language modules are in school. Then again, perhaps if i go to Korea now and attempt my half-past-six korean conversations, i'll probably only know how to order food (which IS the most important thing, no?) and perhaps ask where i am and introduce myself (though i'm pretty sure no one is gonna be interested in my age and where i stay:).

But i've got to say, i'll definitely be less lost compared to someone else who is clueless and can't read Korean (which i can do so quite fluently now).

One key thing though, is also the bond that J and I have forged over the language. Being the first module we have taken together, all my fears of being competitive have been eradicated (not!). HAHA, well as usual J does generally above average in everything, and i thought perhaps if i take a language with him, i might just do better. You know how girls are supposed to be better at languages and all.. yeahh, MY ASS. (unless J is a girl) as usual, he has beaten me in Korean as well, i only beat him in ONE test by one mark. BUTT i'm not complaining, this smarty pants is mine to keep, so he'll be my pocket ~~dictionary~~ everything!

Well, in all honesty i'm glad he was there with me, not only did he make it easier but definitely also more enjoyable! And most of all, its our secret language to tell each other sweet nothings (although it'd probably backfire in Korea), and no one will understand us!

타비씨, 사랑해요! 우리 네녕에 한구에 같이 갑시다! ♥

2010-11-03T00:23:00.002+08:00

i'm working on it.

you ask me what ______ i'll like in the future.

but all i heard was the word future.

Reaffirmed that you're going to be here for a long time. That you'll want me to be with you for a long time, forever even.

Nothing feels more reassuring, nothing feels more comforting.

I hope we can be forever.

~~cause if it doesn't, the pain will be _______.~~

2010-10-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

my tubbies ♥

my #1 Tubbie:

well since my number one tubbie is currently busy doing work and writing essays, i decided to find myself another tubbie (nope not another constantly eating-sleeping boy) but instead i present to you:

my #2 tubbie

who in my honest opinion is an upgrade of the first version! :p

isn't he absolutely adorable!!

even charm who kept telling me not to get a "rodent" was totally won over by his cuteness!

oh i forgot to introduce him to you, his name is manny. And for those of you who watch modern family will understand why he's called that :) and for those of you who don't! GO WATCH cause its super duper cute and funny!

2010-10-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

The thought of giving you up made me realize how scared I am of losing you.

tubs made a shoutout on class 95 for me but i didn't get to hear it :(

but hearing it from his own mouth makes it just as sweet (or even sweeter)!

*crossing fingers for monday's draw results*

2010-10-05T01:14:00.001+08:00

till death do us part.

mark sloan: " I know who she is, and if she's going through her worst right now, I want to go through it with her. She makes me happier than anything I've ever known, and if I can have a part in making her happy again, that's all I want to do; that's all I want to do for the rest of my life. "

i'm gonna be here. for you, for us.

2010-10-01T00:17:00.004+08:00

awesome couple! awesome advice :)

2010-09-23T23:58:00.001+08:00

we can overcome.

2010-09-12T00:40:00.002+08:00

epiphanies

i watched 2 shows today:

1) The trial of Saddam Hussein

2) Telephone recordings of 9/11

From the shows i gathered two new thoughts about life.

Firstly, the idea of capital punishment and its differing schools of thought. My main question on this issue being whether the state should have the power to take someone's life just because he has taken someone's. What difference does it make, aren't both parties murderers?

Secondly i am once again reminded about the fragility of life and our inability to predict what might happen at any moment to rob us from the ones we love. Its truly scary, and it just amplifies my views on treasuring every moment you have with the ones you love and stop harping and dwelling on the unhappy things. (except those that concern 流沙包s)

so to those that still read this blog, i guess i mean something to you and i just want to say, no matter what has happened or what might happen, i love you. ♥

2010-08-28T22:16:00.005+08:00

love, me.

just a sudden thought that striked me:

J's my first boyfriend, my first love. While i'm not his.

most quotes i read about this goes along the lines of:

"Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because its the only person who will recieve all from you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

Some of my friends think I'm crazy, think its insane to want to marry the first person you fall in love with, "why limit yourself? Don't you want other experiences?".

My argument, if i have another relationship, doesn't it mean i'll have to go through heartbreak? and WHY would i want that? *rolls eyes*

To me i believe that perhaps the first person you fall in love is the one which you give the most of yourself to, trying your best to make it work, so afraid to see it fail. And i do believe that after multiple relationships, you start to lose sight, lose faith and lose that determination and ultimately it will never be that hundred percent which you first started out with. You lose part of yourself and give part of yourself away.

Then again sometimes the words of my friends come back to me and i ask myself, what makes you think that this is the right guy for you? What if theres someone better out there?

And ultimately i get the same answer:

Everything happens for a reason.

J's a great boyfriend. He takes care of me, he never gets angry with me, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me think, he makes me study, he builds my self confidence, he coaches me, encourages me and most importantly i believe he loves me and i love him.

Thinking again, there are better girls out there, more compatible for J as well, but he's chosen to stick with me, to make things work and theres no way i'm gonna let him work alone. Perhaps he's lost parts of his heart/emotions to his other girlfriends, but i do want to treasure whatever thats left of it, i'll take whatever he can give and give my 100%. Praying, hoping and believing that it's the last time we will give and lose any part of ourselves to anyone.

J's my first love, and i hope he'll be my last.

2010-07-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

awesome possum, jittery bell.

back from my short but awesome time in HK.
finally back in the arms of J who has been away for LONG ENOUGH.
lots of walking, shopping and eating! (but really, was fun) Apart from water dripping from everywhere!
i took a total of 10 photos during my stay there! haha, been to hk too many times and somehow J and I hardly take photos when we're out tgt. (maybe he thinks i look bad in shots. HA!)
anw, came back only to start part time work selling macs at the nus matric fair. Realized how much i hate traveling to school ITS DEM FAR!
so far sales not that good, so hoping it gets better!

2010-07-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

いかげつ！

いまわたしはとてもやすみました。
いかげつにかれせかいえいきます、わたしわひとりでしんがぽる。
ときどきエーモです、ときどきなにもしません。
いいのともだちとかぞくはわたしのせかい。
しんいんとこいごころはおおきのゆうく！
でいまはいいです！

あいしてるよ！

2010-07-10T17:31:00.002+08:00

worrisome.

9 more days till hong kong!

planned out where i wanna eat and where i wanna go :D

albeit a short stay, but I'm more than happy to spend time with J (after 1 month) somewhere other than Singapore.

22 days to Redang!

not very sure what to expect and feeling abit apprehensive.

The bunch i'm going with are all avid divers and i don't have a dive cert, so i'm pretty much imagining and psyching myself to expect time alone.

Maybe i'll make new friends there :D

2010-06-29T01:32:00.002+08:00

2010-06-23T03:18:00.004+08:00

sometimes i just need someone to talk to.

2010-06-20T01:52:00.002+08:00

absence makes the heart grow fonder!

yeahhh! first webchat with J :D

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

more than 20 months together, what's 1 month apart?

2010-06-19T01:25:00.002+08:00

one.

jem's leaving tomorrow. (actually looking at the clock, its more like in about 14 hrs time)

the feeling is hard to put into words. its seems so long yet it isn't really that long.

major emotion: possibly frustration (like i want to do something but i can't do anything)

and then there's the frustration that has resulted from his parents

oh wells, i'll be fine,but def going to miss him!

xoxo

2010-06-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

seven/thirty-seven.

so the countdown begins. ♥

2010-06-08T15:20:00.002+08:00

you.me.us

now, as a piscean, we're known to think of things in super crazy depth and also dream and fantasize about many scenarios, just a taste of how it works:

dream marriage.

we sat in the garden, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee and pancakeswhich was placed on a basket-weaved tray placed on a glass coffee table by the side of us wafted up to our noses. I took a glance to my right to sneak a peak at the man i've been married to for the past 15 years, and an indescribable emotion flooded through me, something like a mixture of gratitude, admiration and love. He still looked as dashing as ever (even if it was only to me) as he read his newspapers. He had on a slight frown as he tried to flick the newspapers upright with the one hand that was not holding mine and i suddenly noticed the creases that were forming on his forehead and thought of the nights he'd stayed up late to do his research.

Suddenly he looks towards me and a wide smile spreads across his face, "yes, baby?", and i feel sunshine spreading through my entire body. "nothing!" i answer and as he returns to his newspapers. I too get distracted by shushing whispers and giggles coming from behind me, but before i can turn around, two tiny hands reach out to cover my eyes, and the giggles turn into chirpy laughter "mummy! guess who!", i grab on to those tiny hands and they feel so small in my own. "you!" i turn around and grab into my arms a bundle of joy and giggles. The noise rouses our ashy grey dog who had been sleeping by our feet up, and he bounds over to start licking us and joining in the fun. The husband, leaps up from his chair and tries to snuggle in with us "how can you miss me out!" but his sudden movement causes the chair to tip and before we know it, all three of us are on the floor. Everyone looks at each other for a second and we all burst out laughing.

nightmare marriage.

I sit at the marble dining table, 3 cold dishes before me, two empty bowls and an empty chair. A wave of anger and bitter disappointment rushed over me. The lights in the house were all off, except for the one in the kitchen toilet and the ticking of the clock just seemed to increase the feeling of detest with each click of the second hand. I took another glance at the clock which i had checked oh-so-many times over the past hour. 11 o'clock. I had been sitting there for the past 3 hours. The initial anticipation and excitement to his reaction of a home cooked meal had thoroughly disappeared and replaced with a multitude of negative emotions.

The sound of a crying baby jerked me back to my senses, it rang in my ears like a much needed distraction, the sound of attention and the desire for consolation. Slowly i got up from my seat, and felt the blood rush back into my feet, walking towards the room but wishing i was walking away as the cries grew louder and louder.

I looked into the cot and the crying child sent a new wave of frustration and despair through me and as i bent down to pick the child up, i heard a click in the door and the lights go on in the living room. As i carried the crying baby out, i was greeted by my greatest regret, his legs on the coffee table about to turn on the television. He glanced up at me, made a grunting noise and turned back to the screen which was showing a soccer match. I walked towards the kitchen, towards the window, opened the metal grills and looked down.. a brand new calmness washed over me.

2010-05-29T01:54:00.001+08:00

always have, always will.

2010-05-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

2010-05-22T12:38:00.005+08:00

living like its the last day we're spending on this planet.

Watching Grey's season 6 finale really set me thinking:

you never know when you're going to die. Maybe tomorrow i might be walking on the street and a huge lorry loses control and rams into me, causing me to have a crushed skull with blood and brain out of my body. or perhaps, i'm waiting for a train and just as it comes, i am accidentally pushed onto the track and almost every bone in my body is smashed. Or less morbidly, perhaps i go for a body check up and realize that all these years of nose bleeding was actually because i have been living and housing a unfriendly nose cancer. Well honestly, you really never know what might happen today, tomorrow or even within the next hour.

Which leads to my new mindset; why not live each day to the fullest, not knowing when your time will be up? Imagine dying without telling your loved ones how much you love them, without trying for things that you've always wanted, living with regrets (well technically you'll be dead so saying you're "living" with regrets kinda doesn't make sense, but you get my drift).

However i realized one problem, if people around you don't really realize the fragility of life, then it kinda doesn't work. cause i'll be trying my best to live life like theres no tomorrow and whoever else around me will just be doing the frivolous things they always do.

Another thing that is bothering me is why smokers (or anyone doing anything "suicidal) can't see the pain they are causing others who love them. Its like watching the person kill himself in front of you, bit by bit, slowly. Why do people want to increase the possibilities of dying? when you die you don't suffer anymore, but the people left in this world will be suffering, their worlds torn apart: a fate worst than death. These "suicidal" people might think they won't be that unlucky one, but think again, how sure are you?

tomorrow you, me, we could be dead.

what have you done today?

2010-05-12T23:56:00.004+08:00

AHHHH i remember!

(i wanted to blog about this!)

isn't this like a dream room! (for a kid manybe, though i'd still love it even now)

like freaking "tree" in the room!!!

check out all the really cool add-ons! i'd have so much fun being an explorer!

sam the explorer with her talking purple bagpack,blue monkey called Joots and map!

i can even set up a 路边摊 when my friends are over and charge them for food and drinks!

seriously, how come people can be so creative! however i thought of a downside to this design.. what if termites get a whiff of this?

2010-05-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

hello, goodbye.

long time since i've blogged!

everytime when i'm free maybe on the train or walking and see or think about stuff, i conjour up this AWESOME blog post but somehow never get down to blogging about it! talk about being lazy and caught up with more impt things (like reading new moon [yeah loser sam just started on it when the 3rd movie is coming out, eating [its like how you need oxygen, sam needs food], sleeping [no need for further elaboration], thinking about J, thinking about J and thinking about J[i think i'm addicted to him, dang!]).

so yes. now that i've decided to blog i dunno what to blog about. (WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AWESOME POSTS! must have escaped with a fart unknowingly.. keke)

some topics i was planning to blog about, hmm lets see:

1) its time to start investing and worrying about the future! (no one will read this i'm sure)

2)...

3)...

[it must have been a HUGE fart. i can't rmb ANYTHING!]

okay so perhaps i shall update!

almost done with internship! just abit more than a month to go, with 2 other interns from NTU now as company (phew!) other than that my life has been boring! shucks. i should consider being a cave explorer or full time animal hunter. anyone shares my sentiments?

this is seriously a one ★ blog. [waitameeneet do i even qualify for a star?]

2010-04-11T00:58:00.004+08:00

i'm in love, accidentally in love!

finally have the dodo to myself and need not share it with annoying 15 page political science essays! Was just telling him that we're becoming a boring couple, so he surprised me by bringing me to the Singapore Discovery Centre and then to the night safari :D MEGA love random outings!

we went to watch this 3D show about fishes. HAHA. okay abit waste of money but the 3D effects were good... there were bubbles in front of my face and the fishes were really cool! (they were showing clash of the titans after the fish show but we were afraid it'd end too late)

p.s. for all the OCS cadets out there, hope it doesn't make you emo seeing your old camp in the background!

Anw, the night safari is really pretty cool (we spent more than 4 hours there) , i don't understand why, but it was definitely more fun going with J, trying to search out all the animals in the dark enclosure and honestly the amount of different noises one tries to make to call out to the animals amazes me (oink, tak tak, tik tik, chieu chieu, kor kor etc.) also the resemblance of the animals to some people *cough cough monster pig* is so striking!

btw i love how the indian tourists call the pigmy hippos (peeeg-mee hee-pohs) cute! and how the japanese tourists clap after sitting the tram! and how the bunch of US guys behind us were saying how much they hated rats after seeing the capybara ( "I hate rats! i seriously OMG Fing HATEE RATS"), and the tram commentator trying to kill the silence by talking alot of nonsense ("if we let the trees fall, then we can only see the stars and everything will perish..", "we need to learn to understand, we need to be taught to learn, and we must understand to want to learn").

Then there is the crazy hyena that runs around laughing, the tiger who walks in circles (most of the cats do that actually), the otters who stare at us and meow, the HUGE ASS bats that flew in front of us at the bat enclosure.. i think i'm all set to save the endangered animals in Australia!

now for some photos: (reminder, i need to bring a tripod for night shots)

Casuarina after that to end the night. pure bliss!

I ♥ you dodo!

2010-04-06T20:45:00.001+08:00

so you think you can dance?

this blog has seen a lack of photos recently.

just so you don't forget how i look like :D

2010-04-03T16:09:00.003+08:00

i don't wanna be anything other than what i've been trying to be lately.

i'm sitting here, watching J do his essay.

thinking to myself, gosh, what a little kukubird(kkb) i've got as a bf.

*jem stands up and does a explanation of something gross (with actions)*

honestly, he's been such a...

*jem: baby, whats another word for not obvious?

me: inconspicuous?

jem: hmm.. not "cheem" enough, i'll use.. blah blah blah (too cheem to remember for sam) subliminal vision.

me: -blank- *

so yes as i was saying... shucks i forgot.

well he threw me a not so shocking yet shocking news two nights ago.

*jem walks over from the study table and plops himself next to me, stares at me and goes "hehe" and goes back to his work*

well about the news, hmmm... he recently applied for a summer program to HKU for one month during the holiday from mid june to mid july. I was apprehensive initially but i gave him my blessings to go ahead (maybe secretly praying that he wouldn't get it) Then he took such a long time to apply that we both thought perhaps he wouldn't get it cause it was on a first come first serve basis.

WELL, looks like its not that popular and mr.apply-at-the-last-minute still got it.

*J starts playing OTH opening song on youtube cause his bro is watching it in the next room and we've been hearing it for the past few hours*

sighh so yes, the boy is gonna..

*J starts mouthing the "HEY" opening for hey so sister by Train..HILARIOUS.. okay so i'm laughing at him and i'm getting hit by a sudden flying frog with an open mouth*

shucks he keeps interrupting this post. SO YES, he's going to HK, China and Seoul during the program. well, after he told me i couldn't stop crying.. I guess just the thought of not having him for one month scared me.. (can you imagine, such a weakling i am) well also have my insecurities and other trust issues..

*a boy with tissue paper stuck up his nose just looks..*

sighh.. in the end i prayed after putting down the phone with him after approx 90 mins. I asked God for strength, for protection over both of us and the relationship etc. And honestly i felt this peace wash over me, like i didn't have to worry, and that everything would be fine. so yeah, i'm not dreading it anymore, guess its all part of the plan? and even if anything happens, its for a reason!

*J starts tells me about grooveshark.com and his eggcitement about this facebook event about the adm guys playing winning eleven (a soccer game) at the dungeon in school-they bring LCD Tvs and the works to school(yes. they are THAT crazy)*

so yeah.. i mean i'll def be sad he's leaving, but i'm praying i'll take things easy! its ONLY one month.

*"baby! challenge one game!" -he's off to play winning 11 with his bro.*

sigh some things just don't change...

i'm gonna miss him like crazeeee!

so yup, i think i'll get a part-time bf during the time he's gone. Anyone interested? :D

2010-04-01T01:00:00.002+08:00

bah-bah-black-sheep.

today i did something not very nice.

I took action and a step towards fighting for the rights of people like me.

I voiced my fears, my problems and my vulnerability.

today i spoke.

today i stand.

will anyone listen?

whatever happens from this, i can only pray that its for the better. I never wanted to have to do this, but i believe that one should not be treated this way and i hope by doing what i did, no one will be treated like this again, at least not by those that have hurt me. i'm sorry if this doesn't work too well for you but you asked for it.

2010-03-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

nothing is set in stone.

i've been blogging less and less..

perhaps cause:

1) No time

2)Never go out which is linked to (1)

3)Don't know why in the world i'm publicizing my life on the web cause prob no one reads it

4)...

Well anyway. Just tired i guess, of alot of things, don't have the energy left to do mundane things.

(even my birthday/anniversary seemed like any other day)

I need something/someone to make my life more meaningful.

2010-03-01T21:46:00.002+08:00

sometimes we've all got to make sacrifices.

Feeling abit restless and emotionally frustrated.

Particularly with the impending graduation in less than a year and my lack of direction even up till now. I know i've been telling people that i want to be a wedding planner, but the feasibility of it and prospects scare me. The future scares me.

I feel as if i've come to a crossroad in life where my choices are going to dictate perhaps the next half of my life. Decisions like who i'm going to marry, the problems i might face in marriage, having children, whether i'm going to enjoy my job, is how much i earn enough to by a house, a car, raise children? The coming 5 years to come is probably going to dictate all these.

i have no answers. Hopefully God shows me his so that i can copy them.

oh wells.

i'm struggling with you leaving, i'm regretting letting you go.

2010-02-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

“I THINK WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WONDERING WHY WE’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME OVERANALYZING, OVER-THINKING, AND OVERREACTING. WE WASTE TOO MUCH TIME PUTTING OURSELVES DOWN, SO MUCH THAT WE DON’T EVER STOP TO SEE THAT WELL, WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.”

2010-02-16T03:27:00.002+08:00

give me the key to your heart.

disclaimer: romantic post! not for the easily cheesed off by sappy love stuff.

Valentine's Day: an annual holiday held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. (wiki, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day) evidently my biblio skills fail.

Although super commercialized and over-hyped, i guess girls still feel that tinge of sadness when (for those attached) boyfriends do not do anything at all and (for those single) see couples spending the day together. Well, i shall be honest and say it here that although i know it is stupid to spend money celebrating ONE day (i mean HELLO showing love and affection need a day meh? i need love and affection EVERYDAY) i still feel happy when J takes the effort and spends the time to plan something. HEHE.

So yes, we spent it on the afternoon of the 13th cause we both would be busy on the 14th due to it falling on the first day of chinese new year. BB thought it was fun keeping it a secret from me, place and all. Honestly i loved the mystery and suspense. In the end our little surprise destination was a restaurant named OChre at Orchard Central's roof garden. FINE DINING TTM, an enjoyable and unforgettable experience :D With out lovely bottle of red wine, excellent food and service, it left us feeling high and happy ♥ (well, perhaps except the bill)

Thank you for the lovely lunch and all the planning, truly appreciate it bb. It was really good spending time with him after he was more or less done with his mistress. (Ms.Political Science Essay)

Actually just thinking about things, it hasn't been easy during this period of time while he's at school and i'm at work. All these while we've always somehow managed to see each other almost everyday or quite regularly in school, having meals together, going to school and home together (cause he's such an awesome bf and comes pick me up) and just popping around classes to say hello! Now, he's in school, busy with essays and work while i have a 9-530 job with no free day during the week, sometimes i think its impossible to express how much i miss him which is also why i feel as if i need to talk to him constantly, which is possible with BBM.

But i forget that unlike him, i have no take-home work to do, no assignments to hand up and no stress of having to study for tests and exams and i get selfish and want attention. Sighh.. I try to understand and but sometimes my emotions get the better of me.

However, I'm glad that we've managed to work hard at it, fighting together and making sure we spend time together when we can. It would def be lovely to be placed before work but i guess thats pushing it. BUT i must be placed before games, period. :)

Truly thank God for the blessings he has shown to us. We have ups and downs, but i can safely say that our good times are more than the bad and we both compromise towards each other. We're definitely different, him being more independent while i'm super needy but we find a balance i guess and thats important.

Really treasure the times where we're honest with each other, sharing thoughts of our past and of our future, being open and not being shy to show our emotions to each other, not caring what others think of us cause its really not about pleasing the world and people around us, long walks together hand-in-hand just catching up, conversations on the phone even if we're just doing our own things, spending time with each other's families, church services together....

I hope like your tweat says "through thick and thin, till death do us part" , love you baby and as always YMTWTM ♥

2010-02-07T16:59:00.004+08:00

saturday evenings with you.

welcome to the world of kite flying.

Now for starters, i honestly thought that kite flying was easy-peasy-1-2-3 but i can tell you that it is difficult-watermelon-8-9-10! When i suggested kite flying to J, i thought that i would hoist the kite, he would pull the string and then we could sit down, chit-chat and enjoy the view. BOY WAS I WRONG. we spent firstly the first half an hour with my kite that had lost a stick (sime should remember) , i made a new one by joining 2 sticks (one a balloon stick and the other a shoe stick together with black tape). [totally spells disaster but sam thought she was smart enough] As you might already imagine, the stick kept popping out in midair. imagine your kite in the air and suddenly you see it shoot a missile and *proot* collapse into a heap. KITE KAMAKAZE!

so yes, we had to walk to the CC to buy a new stick (was intending to get a new kite, but we figured the stick was more cost efficient). BAD MOVE. our kite sucked. HAHA. J did a pretty good job with pulling it quite high into the sky but it kept tilting sightways and shooting head down to the ground. seriously i think the kite was depressed, keep wanting to commit suicide time and again, must be from the lack of confidence of its sorry state, paiseh la, kept it in the dark closet for way too long it became a hermit.

We kept looking in the air at the MANY MANY kites and wondering why theirs could fly and ours couldn't. conclusion: "our kite sucks."

all (just me and J actually) in favour say aye: "AYE"

then again, a bad workman always blames his tools. hehe.

2010-02-04T22:16:00.003+08:00

its been a long time..

picture paints a thousand words.

Daddy's 64th birthday:

Singapore Airshow 2010:

random photos:

my life in a paragraph:

Been busy during the internship, although i'm trying to balance my life as much as possible, with family, friends and the awesome love of my life. Somehow things are working out quite well and i'm looking forward to the chinese new year where i can get a breather. Its quite scary to think that after next sem i'll have to start working proper and then theres thinking about the future, starting a family etc. but yes, while i can i will try to enjoy this awesome experience and learn whatever i can. Pray that the Lord will show me what to do, where to head, and just guide and light my path. My trust is in the Lord!

2010-01-17T23:49:00.001+08:00

"if only life fitted together as neatly as jigsaw pieces."

2010-01-15T20:57:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

"Life is a series of surprises, and would not be worth taking or keeping if it were not"

sam and her multiple failed surprises.

HAHA.

but thank God for the awesome boyfriend i have who always loves me no matter how dumb i am, no matter how retarded i am, no matter how lousy i am at surprises, no matter how poor i am and no matter how fat i am!

I love you baby ♥

p.s. Thank you to all those who made my plans work :D

2010-01-06T19:58:00.003+08:00

Internship :)

me and the happy intern, Candice!

(she'll only be around till next tuesday! wonder what i'll do without her! how am i gonna handle the 2 guys?)

our little photobooth session while the other 2 guys were discussing her grades in the office.

Been doing lots of light carrying, photo editing, photoshopping and today i used illustrator to create THIS:

The map of where our company is! Honestly i had alot of fun doing it and the hours just whizzed by :) The company is really small with just 2 guys and so is the office which is just maybe a teenie weenie bigger than my room! The guys play FIFA on the Xbox ALL DAY LONG, no kidding! one uses Man U and the other Liverpool! hahaha.

Honestly they really try to give me as much exposure as possible, even promising some pretty interesting things that might happen in the near future that hopefully will come true! (update again when it happens!)

Thank God for blessing me with a good internship and may he continue to watch over me during this time!

2009-12-25T23:33:00.004+08:00

sleigh bells ring.. snow is glistening!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Just finished our family Christmas dinner which has left us FULL BEYOND WORDS! so yes, Christmas is over and i guess that leaves us with counting down to the new year :(

This year we had our make-your-own-pizza dinner!

let me show you how and why we Chinese do it!

step 1:

apply a layer of olive oil onto the pizza crust! This act would symbolize working harder! Cause as the chinese believes, we need to always 加油 :)

step 2:

Apply a layer of Tomato paste on top of the oily base! This would symbolize good luck and prosperity as with the Lucky colour RED (some people wear red underwear as a superstition).

step 3:

Sprinkle the various toppings that you have prepared. This act would symbolize increased growth just like the chinese saying 蒸蒸日上（but in this case must also be careful of 蒸蒸日肥）

step 4:

close your eyes, make a wish! and the pizza will be ready!

this is in leu of the saying 闭上眼睛有"皮沙"吃! (okay thats from 死们大's chinese dictionary okay!)

TRY IT YOURSELF!!

Anyway look at my new friend TIGAR!

okay i'm serious, he is HUGE. his head is almost one and a half times the size of my 10 year old brother! On the way home in the car yesterday Tigar was sitting on my lap and waving and dancing to a little girl in the car in front of us! (yes, the girl was happily waving back and dancing along with tigar! I sure hope i don't cause trouble for her parents who will have to convince her that tigger doesn't really exist!)

THANK YOU B!

and once again, 圣诞节快乐！

2009-12-18T01:08:00.004+08:00

when we're as "poor as a church mouse" (selene yap, 2009)

How to go on a date that cost less than 20 dollars!

number 1

-because of the countless ERPS and expensive parking in town, try not to drive, take public transport instead i.e. the bus or train! you can entertain yourself with the Taiwan advert that flashes from little India to DG (and "WOAHHHH" like my suaku bf who drives everywhere did)

number 2

-make use of student specials and watch movies on weekdays and showing your student pass to get $6.00 tickets at Cathay! (for really poor mice, can consider going to City Square in JB to watch movies, its 6.00 RM)

number 3

-try to have lunch before coming out! if you're feeling snackish and peckish, head over to toast box and share a set with your other half. just $4.20 for a set which comes with proteins (2 soft boiled eggs) + carbo (floss/kaya/otah with toasted bread) + energy(condensed milk on top of toast and in drink) + caffeine (coffee or tea) DEF worth it!! for the very poor mice, you can add more pepper and sauce to make your money's worth!

number 4

-have a nice dinner at NYDC. (oh wait. thats not within budget isit?)

thats cause i forgot to add..

WITH A PARENT!

message/call a parent to suggest having dinner together, it can firstly save alot of money while being able to enjoy a good meal and also show that your concern and filial-ness! for the VERY poor church mouse, you might want to reconsider this option as texting and calling can amount to your costs in this equation!

number 5

-walk to the the MRT station that has your line instead of taking the bus. You can enjoy the scenery and xmas decorations during this festive period!

For the poorer church mice, can consider taking off your shoes to walk as you might want to make sure your shoes don't wear out causing you to have to spend money to get new ones!

disclaimer: sam is really financially down! If the cases mentioned above sound like you (unless you're jer siow) please do not feel offended or upset and you are welcome to join me in my i-need-money club! :D

♥ とてもすきですね

2009-12-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

girls over guys = best (tested and proven)

met up with yingling on a random "we're bored, lets go out" day and went to check out somerset 313's 4 storey forever 21. WHOOHOOOO, lots of stuff i must say but level 1 and 2 are extremely warm, i have no idea why!! managed to get a basic top and a skirt below 35 :) so sam was contented. Went to Marche for dinner as i was craving their mushroom soup, and just felt the nostalgia of secondary school days where we used to head down to heeren to check out the new stocks for billabong+roxy and head to the basement for marche. HAHA. kids we were!

had a nice chat and made some revelations. thanks ying!

TWINNEY IS HOME!!!!!

my super-dee-duper confidante who i will possibly die without :)

you+me=forever, nothing else matters!

you need to ditch the band people for me!! with my new scheming skills from my contonese drama, maybe i shall attempt to win you for myself *MUAAAHHAHAHAHAHAA (evil laughter)*

on a side note, i really cannot stomach coffee/tea in the afternoons.

i really don't know why! weirdly i was with 2 doctors-to-be, should have asked them to diagnose me! hehe.

2009-12-14T17:30:00.002+08:00

frolick madness!

went over to the the twin's house at like 1130 at night for guess what.... FROLICK.

so yes, they so kindly waited for me cause i was caught up with something else and ended up playing wii tennis.

Well of course in my attempt to hog the entire pint of yogurt i decided that the best way was to hog the spoons first. But my attempts were spoiled by my generous heart and i allowed them to a spoon once they said something nice about me.

which of course was another EPIC FAILURE.

(ben seow is a meanster)

as usual, i will always end such posts as "I MISS THE CHURCHIES!" and i'm sorry for neglecting you guys!

how to love a girl

2009-12-14T00:42:00.003+08:00

how to love a girl

Tell her you think shes cool. Tell her why you think shes so cool. Smell her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; shell scream and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Hold her hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her. Tell her she looks pretty. Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as The coolest girl I know. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgrounds, and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk around with her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of. Hold her hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy-back rides. Go see her band play even if they really suck, and tell her they were great. Give her space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when shes sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Write on her. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour train trip. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands she mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When you fall in love with her, tell her.
-anonymous

2009-12-10T01:18:00.003+08:00

second thoughts.

"To compromise or not to compromise?"

2009-12-09T03:46:00.002+08:00

i think i can spend the rest of my life with you ♥

our random: "bb lets cook!"

b's nicely arranged salad :)

dodo's hard work of cleaning the mushrooms with paper towels like they were babies!

(i know they look hmmm.. black, but it was really yummy!)

cajun chicken with cheese!

(not too bad)

home made salsa sauce!

(okay epic fail this one)

quite an interesting experience!

although aldrick kinda made me sad for abit by his comment

Guess i've just got to see that you're mine now and nothing else matters!

2009-11-30T00:16:00.006+08:00

humming to this song all night.

only thing besides bb keeping me sane tonight.

2009-11-22T00:13:00.003+08:00

i hate this feeling.

" Trapped in an empty room without doors, without instructions, without food, without anyone, without anything. the scariest part is i really feel this way. "

2009-11-20T01:16:00.005+08:00

You and me in this crazy world.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

[Chorus:]
MMM it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
For tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree now

It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

MMmmmm MMMmmmm Mmmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

2009-11-15T22:37:00.003+08:00

you're the one and only person who will take my nonsense!

sam's newest and lamest obsession!

Sam: my fishes died cause i forgot to feed them!

jem: cook curry fish head or fish soup?

suddenly wakes up

sam: *stomps around room, making alot of noise* plops down and whines*

jem: bb whats wrong?

sam: i can't feed my fishes.. they're gonna die!

jem:*smacks forehead*

2009-11-11T16:56:00.002+08:00

WORK WORK WORK! so much WORK!

got lots to worry about.

frustrated over my photography final project, clueless about my folder and confusion regarding my website. i need more time. Lord give me more TIME!

Proud of you my A-wesome dodo.

2009-11-05T09:31:00.002+08:00

i saw a rainbow this morning, i remembered the promise from God.

"God continued, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and everything living around you and everyone living after you. I'm putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth. From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll remember my covenant between me and you and everything living, that never again will floodwaters destroy all life. When the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll see it and remember the eternal covenant between God and everything living, every last living creature on Earth." - genesis 9:12-16 (message version)

2009-11-02T22:49:00.003+08:00

i don't know how long i'll hold out, but for now, maybe just for a little bit longer.

just a little something like that, is all i need to get me through the day.

I'm not asking for outings, dinners, presents everyday..

just a message or call, to know that you're there, to know that its not just me one sided-ly missing you, to know that you're okay, to know that you care.

thats all i need.

just that 30 secs.

2009-10-31T14:38:00.001+08:00

If anything happens, i think it'd be you.

2009-10-28T20:12:00.002+08:00

"you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without."

2009-10-26T14:44:00.006+08:00

I don't think i could live like this forever.

4 assignments due this week and i'm berating myself for slacking last week cause i had no assignments due. Pig brain that i have didn't think to do some work due last week so i won't be rushing everything out now.

Feeling neglected.

Perhaps cause jem has been busy doing his work, spending lots of time in school and i'm prob the last thing on his mind.

Family was away last week and i hated being along at home, now that they're back, i still don't feel much of a differance, still feel somewhat detached and insignificant.

I don't really know where everyone is. My phone has stopped ringing, no calls, no smses.

Truth be told, i feel really lonely.

I was just thinking to myself that day, why not internalize those unhappy feelings so that only one person is upset instead of more than one. I've been doing that for pretty much of my whole life, so there's no need to change.

Confession: I'm sorry b, I lied, there was more than what i was thinking of that night but i just can't tell you cause i'd rather let myself hurt than have both of us feeling miserable. So yeahh, i'm sorry.

2009-10-25T02:15:00.002+08:00

"The day i stop caring is the day i stop loving.

So if i ever stop caring about you, it means that my heart has also stopped beating for you."

2009-10-22T10:10:00.002+08:00

Even if it means sleepless nights, i'd still want you to hug me and chit-chat with me till we fall asleep.

There goes the hair!

I actually admire bb for actually having the guts to shave his hair all off.

honestly, what he said about people being to obsessed with their image is true (like how i will never want to cut my hair short).

definitely can't imagine Felle doing this kinda thing (hehe)

It was honestly a sudden decision and i was abit hesitant but i realized that no matter how his hair looked, he was still gonna be the Jem that i loved and there was seriously not much difference. The lady at the shop was like "huhh.. so wasted just shave all your hair off" then she looked at me and said "you really allow?" .

Well generally what i stand by is "As long as you're happy".

so yes, i have a boyfriend with no hair, even if the world things he look weird, even if his father demands a reason for his action, i will still think he looks the best and still heart him.

2009-10-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

It hurts me when you ______.

Freedom! to the people!

sometimes i wonder...

i get jealous of him which is absolutely absurd.

and i sometimes wish i could ______ forever.

scared/afraid/petrified.

to think? or not to think?

shut up sam.

2009-10-06T23:48:00.003+08:00

I think i might never let my daughter read fictitious love stories when she grows up, i realise that they really mess with the perceptions of reality. Actually maybe alot of things does. Social constructionism-inevitable.

"I want to be the first one you call when you need help, i want to be the first one you wish a good day to, i want to be the first one to know when you feel happy or sad, i want to be the one to comfort you, i want to be the one who can read your mind, i want to be the one who looks after you when you're sick,i want to be the one to wait for you to come home and have meals with you, i want to be the one to read goodnight stories to our children and tuck them into bed, i want to be the one to explore new adventures with you, i want to be the one. I want to be THE ONE."

2009-10-03T23:50:00.003+08:00

to learn understanding, patience and sacrifice.

Saturday has become family day (default, or at least i think so)!

helped mum take photos for the parent volunteers at my bro's old school.

sat by myself watching the performances in the hall, think i was quite sad and retarded, laughing to the magic show which was catered to pri school children, so you can IMAGINE.me myself and my trusty canon. okay, this is turning into some emo post! haha.

anyway the greys nowadays always make me think about death. (not that i want to die kinda thinking, but more like, what if so-and-so died and what if i died tomorrow) i imagine it in both scenarios and boy, hopefully it doesn't happen anytime soon.

so i ask a question, is that why people don't want their partners to smoke? like is it cause its smelly, and it inconveniences them, or is it cause they are afraid that the person will die from horrible smoking-related illness.

oh wells, random thoughts are just spouting.

Been having headaches quite frequently these days. Experienced the acute pain that i used to have back in secondary school which is quite unbearable. I wonder if its due to my new eating habits. A price to pay perhaps?

i'm tired, i'm unsatisfied and i miss a particular someone very much.

i am such a random rambler aren't i...

2009-10-03T16:13:00.002+08:00

"When i message you, its cause i miss you.

When i don't message you, its cause i'm waiting for you to miss me."

2009-09-10T23:39:00.001+08:00

memorable.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

2009-09-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

in five days it will be half a year.

Yet still, everytime you hold my hand, my heart skips a beat and you and i become US.

Every morning, waking up to your voice or words have become a routine that starts my day, and without it, something seems to be missing.

Whenever i'm upset, you'll shut the rest of the world out and just try to make me happy, and each time you fail, i see you ponder and think for afew seconds, trying to come up with something new, and i'd sneak a peak, half expecting, half knowing whats to come.

how often you always bring a smile to my face.

and when you don't, you never turn and walk away. You care. You ask. You love.

our days and nights of endless conversation.

our video calls.

our car-radio singing.

our nights studying/reading.

our food escapades.

our thoughts.

our photos.

our journey.

our love.

what more can i ask for.

"eyes closed, one asleep.

hands clasped.

she listened. his breathing was slow.

the beating of their hearts a song.

a song that echoed their love.

a love song.

for that moment, nothing else mattered. "

to my dearest.

2009-08-20T02:35:00.002+08:00

i've got me whole life to tell you that i love you.

me liketh steamboat+xlb buffet at Holland v crystal jade

me liketh doing readings in the library though its the first week of school

me liketh morning rides with bb

me liketh interesting lectures

me liketh seeing familiar faces in school

me liketh meeting up with sime before she goes back

me liketh having suppers with old pals

me liketh ebenezer gigs

me liketh phototaking and editing

everything me liketh. everything me love.

2009-08-10T23:43:00.008+08:00

why do i want/need you so bad.

three months.

gone.

at the start of the holidays, August seemed so far away.

Starting school seemed so distant.

As i sit here typing this, the sand in the hourglass is trickling its last bit.

so much has happened within this span of time. so much memories, so much experiences.

Honestly, its been a gorgeous holiday.

lets pray and hope that it'd be a gorgeous term as well.

2009-08-07T23:43:00.004+08:00

50 years from now?

too much of ANYTHING is never a good thing. (concur!)

as long as we're happy and contented right?

BTW had an A-wesome day.

phto trip at sentosa, UP in 3d, dinner at PS and dessert at P.S. cafe and a walk through dempsey.

All with a very special person ♥

what more could i ask for on the "last day" of holidays. sigh to cherish and to remember!

shots of the day:

[disclaimer: i'm still a newbie at this so forgive my skills if they don't seem up to standard]

2009-08-03T12:23:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really hate you.

annoying.
annoying.
annoying.
If i had a choice i'll exchange you for a better and more loving rehtaf anytime.
CAUSE HONESTLY. you definitely fail as one.
look in the mirror you SLOB, sometimes i just think you're worthless and it irks me that you'll be part of my life forever.

2009-08-01T17:33:00.002+08:00

alone in this crazy world.

beauty, life and love.

selfishness, deceit, greed, death.

which world are you from?

2009-07-20T23:38:00.003+08:00

Every night i pray...

I just want to say a big thank you to Jeanie for praying for me after service that day. It honestly meant so much to me to be reaffirmed by God and i managed to grasp onto some footing. And also to the special friends who continue to be there for me through everything and offer advice to me. I thank you.

lets walk in perseverance and faith.

2009-07-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

during work today (if you still do not know i work at awfully chocolate and on this fateful day at Katong mall) i just happened to encounter 2 customers back to back:

customer #1

i went out to buy food for myself so i closed the shop and left the "be back in 10 mins" sign hanging. upon returning i realised that there was a customer waiting for me outside the shop so i hurriedly ran back and offered my apologies while rushing to reopen the shop for her. While i offered my sincere sorries (almost japanese bowing to her) she just kept smiling sweetly and saying it was okay and telling me to take my time, adding that she saw the 10 mins sign. Even while i served her she was absolutely nice and joked with me.

customer attitude rating: 9/10

customer #2

a customer called to reserve a cake with me, asking for a ribbon etc. When she came to pick up the cake and i had not piped it yet she went "you mean its not done? i'm in a hurry" while doing a backflip with her eyes (not very pretty leh when you do that, aunty) and while i hurried to the back to do it for her i still could hear her repeat "in a hurrrryyyyy.." (now where did that echo come from? i don't remember our shop being in a cave..) after i was done, following many curt replies from her, no word of thanks, no nothing, she just took the cake and left.

customer attitude rating: 0/10

like seriously, customers demand good service ALL THE TIME but lets ask ourselves (since we will be a customer at some point in time) do we really deserve to be treated nicely by the staff. I have friends who treat service staff with a i-am-better-than-you--lowly-servant attitude. Honestly, to still have the waiter/waitress smile at you is seriously GOOD SERVICE. In all honesty i can say that being in the service industry is not an easy task, you have to hide your personal discontempt with life/society/customers etc and always be happy/cheery and friendly. When my retail manager calls after i've worked like 9 hours and asks me to sound more cheerful on the phone (when i'm already chirping my "hi! awfully chocolate!") i really feel like strangling... hmmm...me or her (i think either would do the trick)? Give us a break. Not that HORRIBLE service staff do not exist but bottom line for me is, if you expect good service then have good customer attitude as well. I know of a girl who has "thrown" a cake at a customer before and i don't blame her cause the woman was being very unreasonable and the customer called the police wanting to sue the girl for the accidental drop of the cake at her feet ("a drop" so the girl claims)...

I've had my fair share of horrible customers and an equal handful of great ones that just make my job so much easier, and for these treasured ones, my smile is absolutely genuine:D

2009-07-14T19:10:00.002+08:00

its a choice that i've to live with.

i hate fighting with myself.

it makes me frustrated and annoyed.

sometimes i just wish that life could be much easier without having to pay attention to all the terms and conditions which are in font size 5 and inconspicuously hidden. My eyesight isn't that good and it gives me a headache trying to read it.

that being said, i'm just gonna pray really hard. God's been really faithful in answering my prayers and perhaps this time he will once again do.

"Ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find"

bb ymtwtm ♥

2009-07-08T23:52:00.005+08:00

we're going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about you you you!!!

our little outing to the zoo with the photographers! :D

albeit the rain, it was pretty fun. haven't been to the zoo in AGES.

Tioman trip! had an awesome time :D

i'm looking to buy the canon 500D.

went to look around with the help of Melvyck (who happens to be a pro-olympus hmm..)

and got some great quotations at funan. dodo and bobo (dodo's bro) were sweet enough to accompany! love xoxo!

2009-06-23T01:03:00.003+08:00

ロマンチクですか。

whooohooo! sam thinks transformers II is goooood!!!!

thank you uncle jimmy for the premiere tickets.

love the effects and animations. superb. love bumblebeeee!

(i keep thinking that my blackberry is going to turn into a robot and start talking to me)

i give it:

2009-06-21T20:58:00.003+08:00

nice to have you home!

okay so i said i wanted the samsung ultra touch.

hahaha. but somehow or other i ended up with the blackberry curve!

me thinks its pretty and slimmer than the bold which dodo has. in general more feminine!

i think all in all this are the reasons for choosing it:

the few things that are so important in my life :D

if you really do mean what you say and say what you mean i'll be the happiest person on earth:)

2009-06-20T13:15:00.005+08:00

I took this off my friend's facebook page about having a lifelong partner.

His just so happened to be the range where my birthday falls in. And this is what is says about people near my birthday:

"You will both enjoy buying each other gifts, meeting in cosy, candlelit restaurants, listening to music. As this relationship develops, they will care deeply for you and you will feel their love very strongly. You might never feel as loved as you have when you're with them because they have so much love and passion to give. They are caring and will share everything with you. They are sensitive so don't ever criticise them too harshly. For your relationship to truly prosper, coax them out of their strong capacity for loving but be passionate as you respond to them as they will need open displays of love and affection."

i honestly find it's pretty accurate (sometimes i just one a little surprise or maybe a little something to show that one cares or is constantly thinking of you), and its led to me wondering how people actually come up with quizzes like that. Or perhaps maybe how personality tests come about. It is pretty generic in some cases but it does hit home sometimes. Someone once told me, that doing personality tests might not be a good thing because ultimately you might believe what you read and act out accordingly. mmmm.. Thats actually possible as well. Oh well, i guess it's best to just take everything with a pinch of salt :)

2009-06-07T01:31:00.003+08:00

once a week you die. myself likewise.

so yeahhhh! The retarded sam decided to play potatographer/make-up artist/dresser today.

and OMG it is so darn fun :D and while we were at it we made afew REVELATIONS.

REVELATION #1

Cheryl is the ONLY one in the family who can fit into my mother's old SIA kabaya (is that how you spell it?) and she was so happy cause its her dream to try one on. LUCKY HER. when i try it it leaves a 10 cm space from the buckle to the clasp in front (its sad, and mum says "you got your dad's body type." DANNGGG!)

[she looks good huh!]

REVELATION #2

Cheryl has failed the POUTING/ACT CUTE test.

We have concluded that she CANNOT act cute. honestly we tried the entire night trying to teach her plus contorting her face into the exact shape but TRY WHAT MAY, we failed, nono, SHE failed. This is probably one of the better tries already, some were like monkeyface/i-need-to-shit face/ah-mah face GOSH.

anyway some of the shots i took!

emo-lama-tiong

I really like how charm looks in this photo.. whereas for cheryl..........

"ehh cheryl, say 'OH'.."

the rest are up on facebook!

a night of fun and laughter, without which i probably would have been emoing under the bedspreads :s

2009-06-05T22:08:00.002+08:00

ME LIKE...

i'm not really someone who will go all gah-gah over a phone or want to be hip-and-happnin and keep up with the latest trends so i can go "wah-sia, check out wo de new shou ji!"

no :s but i really really like the samsung ultra touch. gorgeous phone, slim, with buttons BUTTONS though its semi touch screen too.

OMGAWD i love it.

2009-06-03T23:05:00.001+08:00

sun, sand and sea.

Embrace the beauty of nature.

2009-06-01T00:30:00.003+08:00

sam likes to scare herself. (and possibly certain others)

so today i went for a run, and i kinda pushed myself to go at a faster pace than i normally do, cause i was doing a 5k workout.

Everything seemed pretty okay, except that the horribly dense air was making it harder to breathe. SO ANYWAY i came home and after stopping my workout and hearing lance armstrong tell me that i have clocked a new personal best in terms of miles, i decided to do afew sets of the usual stuff. BUT BEFORE THAT, i bent down to rest since i'm kinda an old ah-mah now and when i stood up, like OMGAWD, blood started rushing out of my nose like it was a tap which was pumping from the blood bank. (i am not being sarcastic) BUT since i'm pretty used to nose bleeds i decided to just stuff a tissue up my nose and continue with my sit ups. After the first set i took out the tissue paper and it was literally half-soaked in blErrrrddd. (i am not being sarcastic)

and honestly that was not one of the brightest ideas of the century cause when i did that the floodgates of the nigera-blood-falls were re-opened and i literally had to cup my hand to collect the blood. (blood soup anyone?)

-well it eventually stopped-

but it leaves me wondering if there is ANYTHING wrong with me.

what if i'm going to die in months?

would you miss me :D

2009-05-28T16:57:00.002+08:00

i'm afraid.

really quite afraid.

-the thought of it just makes me feel sick-

Exam. Results.

Tom: “Dad, I've got good news.”

Dad: “Have you passed your exam.?”

Tom: “Well, I didn't exactly pass, but I was top of those that failed.”

2009-05-24T00:22:00.002+08:00

i feel it in my fingers,

i feel it in my toes...

so today we played S-Q-U-A-S-H.

like sit on a tomato, flatten a grape in your hand. NO not that kinda squash.

the small rubber ball and two rackets kinda squash.

(due to forseen UNGLAM reasons. picts will not be put up)

selly poo and I went to the club and indulged in some 90 mins relatively intense ball hitting and ball picking squash activity, IN THE DARK WITHOUT A FAN. (cause the woman forgot to turn it on) which kinda resulted in a suana like treatment as well. I'm not complaining.

me liketh squash pretty much.

me wanna play more.

me wanna sweat more.

-piak- tok-tok-ouch-

click

2009-05-20T02:05:00.005+08:00

i wanted to test myself, to take random objects around the house and turn them into pretty pictures, therefore:

flowers from the back garden.

dad's newly made KING bird cage (i was telling him i'll make a paper crown for the bird that lives in this cage)

our bird poles which also stand in as make shift flag poles during national day (just kidding!)

this is an old picture which i took at the Horticulture park, just decided to play around with it.

-let my thoughts & imaginations be my muse, and love be my motivation-

2009-05-17T23:17:00.002+08:00

どしてせかいはわるいですか。

just a self-reflective thought:

am i a boring person?

and OH MY GOSH, i think I AM!

reasons after analyzing myself:

1) I do not have any ambitions/desires to do a certain something or complete a certain something

2)I say i'll eat anything and whatever when it comes to lunches and dinners

3)I don't like having spontaneous plans

4)I don't go "OMG LETS GO..../OMG WE SO NEED TO..."

5)I don't bounce up and down and be happy all the time

6)I like to look into distances and think of random things/or nothing (emo-ness here)

CONCLUSION:

I AM ONE CRAP OF A BORING PERSON.

dang.

2009-05-15T04:28:00.001+08:00

talk about DIY and INNOVATION put together in one!

i think we need one of this in school :D

-clones-

2009-05-10T01:08:00.008+08:00

bom-chika-wawah!

my sister is back :D

haven't seen her for such a long long time.

finally managed to have our sleepover!

reminiscing the days where we used to play cooking with my macdonald set and camping with my shell petrol tent, or teacher (x2).

Then there was this time when i grew older and there was this age gap. Like when i was in sec 2 and the dear was still in primary 5. I wanted to sleep while she wanted to cook me noodle soup with a green pot and plastic bee hoon. HAHAHA.

Now we're both grown up and we talk, we chat and we roll on beds and take photos.

Its interesting how age changes things, how we mature, the journey.

this is US probably 15 years ago.

(gawd check out my flower power!)

Exams are officially OVER.

so we went cycling, to exercise *ahem*

mission BB for me and mission reservist for jem.

-went for Dan's 21st bday-

great music, great food, great company!

(photos with fee's THE CHIO [the gorgeous as i call it, but since fee is semi ah lian therfore...])

PROOF! and we took 300 plus photos. gosh!

*i am still wondering "how did they...."*

2009-05-08T01:52:00.004+08:00

FALALALALALALALALALALA :D

(i am immensely tired)

exams are finally over. i can honestly say that this is the most i have worked for any exam in NUS.

met up with the girlies, like FINALLY.

with sel finishing yest and cand finishing in the evening the same day as me.

(we haven't met altogether for a pretty long time now) HAPPY :D

caught 17 again with sel and charm while waiting for cand and honestly i think its a pretty good show. haha, pretty witty and funny plus Efron and his ultimately hot body!

so yes a typical lazy day that we spend, having dinner, chatting, heading back to someone's house (charm's) and watching random shows while engaging in some interesting planning (our tioman trip) whooohoooo!

3 months. 3 months. 3 months.

hang in there! just one more paper to go.

as you always say: JUST TRY YOUR BEST!

2009-05-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

i'm afraid, i'm tired, i'm in need of rest.

わたしはかれのうちへいきます。明日時のと居。はい。

彼はとてもいいです。わたしはとたもすきです。あいしてる！

なんでわたしはおびえきせている。あのかれは常に働くわたひは私は彼をたくさん逃す。

i should stop thinking so much :D

i really REALLY REALLY want to go on holiday.

take a nice beach stroll, have fun in the sun, enjoy some good company.

i'm thinking of planning something. will you wanna come?

2009-04-29T21:02:00.001+08:00

one paper down.

i feel loved!

sometimes actions really speak louder than words.

2009-04-22T19:37:00.004+08:00

nowadays the night seems longer and the morning seems shorter

For the past few days, i've been a nocturnal animal.

sleeping during the day and doing work till the early hours of the morning.

like felle said, everyone wakes up and we're going to sleep. Its quite a feeling actually.

Today i was on the bus and i watched, i analyzed, especially the secondary students and jc kids drooling away and nodding off in the bus. Its interesting, remembering the waves of fatigue overwhelm you, knocking your head against the glass window to produce a resounding "gong..", and like a pendulum, almost tilting off the seat.

Aye, the mornings, bright warm sunshine that caresses you and echoes the brilliance of life.

sadly we don't really notice them. Just watching the working adults, bustling towards the mrt station, getting off buses, walking with that bounce in their strides, i can't imagine them stopping for a second to think of nature, of the world, of anything.

i need to stop messing up my biological clock. time to kick it back into shape again.

2009-04-13T13:08:00.003+08:00

My head is saying no
But my heart keeps giving in
So hard to let it go
When it's there under my skin

Well if this is the face of a sinner
And if heaven is only for winners
Well I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~

Thought I'd let it slide
But it's me that's slipping in
Thought that I'd go for a ride
Before this crash I'm dying in

Well if I'm judged on the life I've been living
And if heaven is not so forgiving
Well I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~
I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~

My head is saying
But my heart keeps giving in
So hard to let it go
When it's there under my skin

Well if I'm judged on the life I've been living
And if heaven is not so forgiving
Well I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~
I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~
Oh, I ~~don't~~ care ~~'cos I won't know anybody there~~

2009-04-05T12:56:00.009+08:00

cold on the outside,

colder on the inside...

so things didn't get much better in terms of circumstances, but thanks to the people around me i felt much better. Thank you for comforting me, for trying to make we laugh, for distracting me, for loving me. really appreciate it!

caught "The importance of being Earnest" yesterday with Charm at the drama centre located at the National Library. Honestly i think it was a great show.. hilarious and a really good cast! (an all male cast, imagine the women actually being played by men) i urge all literary/ and non, who have interests in paying a fee to be entertained for about 2 hours to catch this one. Should not be missed.

The day is gloomy. grouchy and sad.

something seems to be tugging at my heartstrings.

honestly some people think that just because they are "guides" they can do things that their "charges" can't. going to a mechanic doesn't make you any more a car okay so save it. Your angst and anger and frustrations need to be dealt with BY YOURSELF. stop taking it out on us.

(you'll soon lose all of us. honestly. it hangs merely by a thin line)

2009-03-30T00:17:00.002+08:00

its like i got drilled into the wall 20 times,

feel really screwed...

all through my life i've never been the smartest of students (except perhaps in my final year in pri 4). I always was half-past-six, the average, the mean, the useless (except maybe for chinese in sec 4). [dem. whats with the number four. inauspicious!]

I struggled with my subjects for O levels, for A levels, always barely making it for mid terms, tests and assignments. At the end of the day i don't die, but somehow manage to scrape past and get into a mediocre school/college/course.

Technically i'm not really complaining, i've lived most of my life this way, just getting by and perhaps its really a bad way to do things. But i do get motivated when it comes to hands on, service, interacting with people. I feel like i've achieved something, gained something. learned something useful.

Then again its the paper chase once again isn't it? Trying so hard to get a degree, honours, titles, A+s, credits. I want to do something i like, without passion i can't find the motivation and drive to do it. I look at my modules, i look at my CAP, i look at my grades and i think. WTF. its depressing really. I'm not like my bf, staying in school, doing countless and countless of editing and rewriting. To me, i just want to get over and done with it.

Sometimes the thought of wanting to TRY and perfect my work does trigger some yes-man nerves, but it never lasts. not for long anyway. Theres just nothing to sustain it.

I'm so not cut out for school.

one more year, one more freaking year.

[trying to keep my composure]

this is getting really depressing.

2009-03-23T12:21:00.003+08:00

3 things that sam really wants now:

1)Audi TT roadster.

2)my shiba inu which i will call "taira" which is a legendary samurai clan (oh aren't i smart)

3)A bossini (no the clothing line hasn't started manufacturing toilet products) shower

i wish i may, i wish i might, have the wish i wish tonight!

sam

how to love a girl

Exam. Results.

*click*

-clones-

click